Tasers have been on my mind lately; on the train the other day a woman was shrieking into her cell phone while the guy across the aisle blasted his iPod so loud I was subconsciously humming along to Journey. Oh, if only I had a Taser! And before you accuse me of being some sort of sadist or lacking humanity, let me pass the buck on to Rex Huppke. I blame his op-ed in the Chicago Tribune over the weekend for putting me in the mood to Tase (is that a word?).
I have a confession to make: When I saw a group of campus cops in Florida take a Taser to a vociferous 21-year-old student who was spouting off at a John Kerry Forum, I smiled.
I smiled a broad, uninhibited smile, one free from the constraints of political correctness and common human decency. And then I thought, "Hah! That mouthy, self-righteous twit had it comin'."
It was then I realized that, when it comes to certain people, I'm unabashedly pro-Tasering. And before you judge me, look inward. There's bound to be one person in your life, or at least someone in the news, who you'd love to see Tasered.
Maybe it's that relentless suck-up co-worker everyone gripes about. ZAP!
Or, perhaps, Kevin Federline. ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!
Rex indulges his "inner mean streak" and comes up with some other good ideas on who'd he Taser at the Trib's site. And come on now, if we put aside all our righteous indignation for a few minutes, and realize that we're not talking about really hurting anyone, this could be a therapeutic (read: fun) exercise... There must be SOMEONE you think deserves a 50,000-volt wake up call?