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Sandwich Monday: Mountain Dew A.M.

by Ian Chillag
Feb 11, 2013

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As he often does, Robert reminded us of Tom Cruise in "Cocktail." Robert may not like it. Eva reacts.

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Look, I know this isn't a sandwich. And it barely even qualifies under the Sandwich Draft Principle. But when we heard Taco Bell was selling something called Mountain Dew A.M. — Mountain Dew mixed with Orange Juice, as a breakfast drink — we felt duty-bound to drink it.

Eva: It's hard to tell if mixing Mountain Dew and Orange Juice together ruins the Mountain Dew, or the Orange Juice, or my entire day.

Ian: The only worse liquid to wake up to is discovering you wet the bed.

Ian: Guys, I think my cocktail is broken.

Robert: Food Science has finally come up with something that tastes worse than drinking orange juice right after brushing your teeth.

Ian: Is it OK if I pour ALL of this out for my homies?

Eva: The blending of unlikely ingredients is the key to so many Taco Bell creations. Doritos and taco shells. Mountain Dew and OJ. An unsolved mystery and ground beef.

Ian: Sure their Mountain Dew A.M. is pretty bad, but when I can't sleep, nothing beats Taco Bell's new Seven-Layer Burrito P.M.

Eva: Hold your nose while you drink it and you can barely taste it. It's even better if you hold your mouth and just let it pour down your shirt.

Robert: Hey guys, as soon as I can get my heart rate below 200, can you guys help me shut my eyelids?

[The verdict: Worse than expected. Weirdly, it gets better the more you up the Mountain Dew content, but still doesn't make anything better than the original ingredients are on their own.

When I was a kid, on special occasions, my parents used to serve me a Sprite and orange juice, which they called a "Screwdriver." I'm sure there was many a freaked out teacher who heard 6-year-old me say I liked to drink screwdrivers with my mom and dad. Anyway, if you must mix yourself an orange juice and soda, make yourself a "Screwdriver," and you'll be better off. ]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait! Wait! Don't Tell Me.

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