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Sandwich Monday: Cool Ranch Tacos

by Ian Chillag
Mar 11, 2013

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Lean in close enough to see the Cool Ranch dust, but not so close that the taco eats you. Old school hat, new school taco. As he often does, Robert confuses the packaging with the food.

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When Taco Bell released the Doritos Locos Taco last year, taco watchers everywhere knew the Cool Ranch Taco couldn't be that far behind. It's a basic Taco Bell taco, but the shell has been coated in Cool Ranch Doritos dust.

Robert: Does Taco Bell still use the slogan "Run for the Border," or have all the rogue food scientists already escaped?

Ian: Man, this taste really takes me back to that place Nowhere In Mexico.

Ian: Something tells me the fairy that sprinkled the magic flavor dust on these is incapable of flight.

Miles: The only thing harder to scrub off than magic flavor dust is the shame you feel from eating a Doritos Taco Loco.

Robert: I have to admit, this works better than the time Long John Silver used goldfish crackers to make the Filet-O-Minnow sandwich. I had to eat a whole school of those.

Peter: I think it's awful that we're raising a generation for whom the word "ranch" will mean "extra salty."

Ian: Is there such a thing as Don'tritos?

Mike: I wouldn't be surprised if Taco Bell moved their entire operation to the Cool Ranch. The horses are right there.

Eva: If grown-ups put "cool" in front of something, teenagers will automatically NOT eat it. Maybe this was Michelle Obama's idea.

Peter: Is this why my kids refuse to sit and watch PBS Cool Newshour with Cool Lehrer with me?

[The verdict: Not the best. This combines two sacred snacks, Cool Ranch Doritos and Taco Bell Tacos, but doesn't improve either of them.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me!

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