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The pretzel shape provides nice little windows through which you can see your poor choices. (NPR)

Sandwich Monday: The Saltwich

by Ian Chillag
May 20, 2013

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If you zoom in, you can see how Eva's fingers immediately pruned up when she touched the Saltwich. Salt added. Because of the limited structural integrity of The Saltwich, Robert had to employ the Butterfly Grip.

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For years, one of the pieces of advice we've been ignoring is that we should really cut back on our salt intake. Now, a panel of experts convened by the Institute of Medicine says limiting salt below a certain amount may not really do us any good. Around here, we take this to mean: Eat as much salt as you can or you'll die.

So, we've created The Saltwich, made with the saltiest foods we could find. Salami, bacon, pickles and salt-and-vinegar potato chips, on salty pretzel bread. Salt to taste.

Ian: There's so much salt around my mouth, you could serve a margarita in me.

Eva: This sandwich is great for soaking your sore feet in.

Robert: I know we wanted to get as many salty things on this sandwich as we could, but I'm grateful that we drew the line at Lot's wife.

Eva: My insides are well-preserved for the winter.

Ian: This reminds me of my favorite '90s all-female rap crew, Salt-n-Salt-n-Salt-n-Salt-n-Pepa.

Mike: I guess I shouldn't be surprised at all the deer that just came out of the woods to lick me.

Peter: This sandwich tastes like it just ran a half-marathon in the heat.

Peter: The good news: We've all been coated with so much salt, we could be slaughtered and still be kosher.

Ian:You might say Sagal is potassium nitrate right now. CHEMISTRY JOKE.

Robert: Sodium is abbreviated as "Na" on the periodic table. Coincidentally, that's exactly what I should have said when I was handed this sandwich.

[The verdict: Surprisingly delicious, with an unsurprising painful salt aftertaste. Bacon and pickles have a bright future together, with the right counterpoint.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me.

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