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We couldn't wait for Dunkin's Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich to go national, so we got the raw materials and made our own. (NPR)

Sandwich Monday: Dunkin' Donuts Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich

by Ian Chillag
Jun 3, 2013

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If you ever look through your hotel room peephole and see this, LET IT IN. Against all advice and reason, Eva investigates what's in the sandwich. Ian wonders if there's any reason ever to have bread again.

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Like all great traditional Boston foods — the Boston Cream Pie, Boston Baked Beans, the Chicago Pizza at the Pizzeria Uno near Fenway — the Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich is about to go national. Someday, Bostonians will talk about how they heard it play when it was just a cool, local sandwich.

Ian: I never realized how pointless bagels were before.

Miles: I like a breakfast that forces me to take a nap right after waking up.

Miles: I always wondered why Dunkin' Donuts spells it "donut" instead of "doughnut." But, looking at this, I see where they put all the extra "ugh."

Ian: Yeah, I'm just going to abbreviate "donut" to "don't."

Miles: My mom always told me breakfast was the most important meal of the day. I think this pretty much proves her wrong.

Peter: This seems to be an attempt to combine the meal and dessert into one meal. All they need is to add the statin drugs, and you're set.

Eva: Yeah, this makes up a complete breakfast. In that after you've eaten it, you've completed your lifetime quota of breakfasts.

Ian: Is it true there's no "g" in "Dunkin'" because someone ate it?

Miles: This is my first step in my transition to an entirely glazed-based diet.

Peter: "One steak, please. Medium rare. Glazed."

Ian: Thirteen doughnuts is called "Baker's Dozen." Thirteen of these is called "Euthanasia."

[The verdict: Just as with Paula Deen's Lady's Brunch Burger, doughnuts prove a fantastic replacement for bread. It's a great way for people who have a hard time choosing between an unhealthful breakfast and another unhealthful breakfast.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me.

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