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Putting Canada on top of America is both delicious and geographically accurate. (NPR)

Sandwich Monday: The Poutine Burger

by Ian Chillag
Apr 28, 2014

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The onion ring makes a great side dish and numerical representation of how many years you have left to live. Canada, we're sorry for everything we ever said about you. It took a lot of willpower to pause eating long enough to take this picture. All of us here were flummoxed by these "knife" and "fork" contraptions required for this sandwich.

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Poutine, if you don't know, is a Canadian dish made up of French fries topped with cheese curds and gravy. And if you don't know, you really haven't been living your life to its fullest. Seriously, what have you been doing? Go get some poutine. Then come back and read about this poutine burger — an open-face hamburger topped with poutine — we ate from Spritzburger in Chicago. We'll wait. We have to. We can't move.

Ian: I always wonder why poutine hasn't caught on here in the U.S., and I think it's because you can't drive while eating it.

Miles: But, by God, we can try

Ian: You don't want to get busted for Driving Under The Influence of Poutine, though. "Sir, can you step out of the car?" "No. No, I physically can't."

Ian: It's like I've died and gone to Canada.

Peter: The correct Canadian pronunciation is, "Sorry, it's a poutine burger."

Miles: Which part of the maple tree does gravy come from?

Peter: This burger represents the best of America and Canada coming together. It's like a polite drone attack.

Miles: It's amazing how soaking things in gravy inherently makes them better. Has anyone else watched Battlefield Earth soaked in gravy? It's incredible.

Lorna: With the wayward fries on top, it looks like a bridge collapse. A delicious bridge collapse.

[The verdict: It's poutine on top of a burger. There is honestly no way to do this badly. Well worth the copious belly space it requires.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me!

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