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R. Kelly heads into the courthouse in May. (Source: Scott Olson/Getty Images)

Songs for Robert (R.) Kelly

by Barrie Hardymon
Jun 12, 2008

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The R.Kelly trial enters closing arguments today — we'll get a rundown from reporter Steven Gray again. I thought I'd honor the defendant's musical career by composing a mini mixtape, to guide you through what is expected of the lawyers on both sides.
Side A, the Defense
1) It Wasn't Me, by Shaggy
The "mole defense" might be abandoned, but Kelly's lawyers are likely to hammer away at the quality of the tape. Apparently it's pretty bad (and gross).
2) The Wrong Girl, by Belle & Sebastian
The alleged victim, who is now a woman, not a girl — 23 — didn't testify during the trial, but did deny her involvement before a grand jury back in 2002.
3) Bad Woman, performed by Arctic Monkeys, a great cover of a song by Pat Farrell & The Believers.
Lisa Van Allen is the only witness to have first-hand knowledge of Kelly's relationship with the thirteen year old. R. Kelly's lawyers have argued that she's a liar, and a blackmailer.
Side B, the Prosecution.
1)"Got to Be Real" by Cheryl Lynn.
The prosecution has argued — using not one, but two video experts — that it would take years to manufacture the sex tape at the heart of the child pornography charge.
2) "I Know You Better Than You Think", by, yes, Air Supply.
Even though the alleged victim has denied that she is in that sex tape (and didn't testify) three former junior high friends identified her for the jury.
3) "This Photograph Is Proof" - by Taking Back Sunday.
Pictures of the alleged victim and stills from the tape show that the subjects in both photographs looked very similar.
If you have questions, or song suggestions, post them here. (Please, no "I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman" posts. They're in bad taste, y'all, as Miss Britney herself would say.)

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