March 1 , 2003: The Scaring of Viggo

Here's a nice juicy piece of gossip for ya!

My married pal is a very nice woman, very dignified and refined. I couldn't stand it and turned her on to Viggo. She went for it in a big way!!!! Let's just say that for her birthday she got two framed Aragorn posters and an action figure(!!!) She informs me that their marital statistics are 20 in 18 days! Her husband is so grateful that he bought me four packages of gourmet chocolate, including two bags of LARGE NUTS. They are both very tired but happy. See, Viggo Fan Base does wonders for a marriage!

Here is a live post that I made on a school computer from the back of the room at SLU.

Back to me again, live from the theatre.

Well Celeborn is blathering on in the background so I can type. Who gives a rat's ass about him, he was three grades behind me in school and always had a gross crush on Glorfindel, but then we all did.

Figurine of Boromir

Back at the screening I went into the chat room on the computer while Boromir was taking some arrows (great death scene, but I know how it ends) and got busted by Timberley, our SLU contact, who came in late and sat right at the back where there hadn't been anyone, then came over after awhile to say "that's really distracting" and ask us to shut down, so we turned the monitor off so it looked like I shut it down. Waited for her to go. We are veddy veddy sneaky. By the time she left we were too pooped to post, and just went back to the hotel!

More responses from the Fanbase women who were not Pilgrims:

Gubydal actually gave Viggo's mom and stepfather a ride to the Noble Center appearance, where he is introducing FOTR. She was driving the van and got a little lost on campus and eventually ran into them. They were walking on the far side of campus, and were never ever going to make it on time, so Gubydal pulled up and Dragonlady rolled down the window and asked if they were going to the Noble Center and they said yes, they were going to the screening. DL asked if they would like a ride, and they would, apparently. They were very grateful, as the walk had sort of gotten away from them as walks will tend to do when time is tight. Once they are well strapped in Gubydal remarks, “Your son looks very tired tonight. He’s had a long day,” and his mother says, “How did you know who we were?” I suppose at this point she might be starting to regret accepting the hospitality of these respectable-looking ladies, but she does not make a break for it or anything as they explain that they are those weird Fanbase ladies who have been to all the events and have seen them with Viggo innumerable times by now. They thank the Fanbase women very nicely when they get to the Noble Center. Of course, his mother IS in possession of the bracelet we made, so perhaps she does not fear a Stephen King moment after all.

Viggo signing Aragrothien's book. Photo courtesy Aragrothien

Now the story of the signing. Being in the front rows of the theatre we were the last out to the hallway, and were well back for the book signing, dammit!!! The staff which were really students passed out little index cards on which you were supposed to write what you wanted Viggo to write in your book, and the rule was you could only get one thing signed. We knew Viggo has a habit of ignoring rules like this and generally distained the little index cards: so UnViggian!

We spent three or more hours in the lineup. You’ve seen one academic hallway, you’ve seen them all, and this one didn’t even have Calvin and Hobbes cartoons on the doors. A great academic tradition falls by the wayside. So we hung around for interminable hours but one or two things did liven up the experience.

Some of the people who’d gotten their books signed went past us to get to their cars, and we would ask to see what they had. One woman’s book said “Nice to see you again” and of course we asked about this. Her pal told us she was one of Viggo’s ex-girlfriends and Aragrothien, being a total shrinking violet, immediately asked, “Okay, honey! One question: boxers or briefs?”

She looked stunned for a moment. Then she laughed. Then her laugh became wicked and she said, “Speedos. Swim team, you know!” And of course we all fell about laughing at ourselves!

Another response from the fanbase:

The local tart contingent had turned out as a group: I don’t think I’ve ever seen a skirt that is actually forty inches wide and only six inches long. You could actually see this woman’s underwear and butt cheeks. Her extensively highlighted friend was in a full-length leather coat with a rabbit fur lining. Honestly, rabbit is SO over. And there were many, many bosoms being tanned under the fluorescents that day. Glad I didn’t wear the infamous bodysuit but stuck with the wholesome-looking polarfleece, even if I was roasting.

Ara got a brilliant idea and whipped out her cellphone. She fired up the web browser and managed to get on the Fanbase, though she could not sign in or see who else was there. Still, quite exciting and almost really neat. Hey, we were in that line for a long time! We were starved for entertainment!

It was fun watching the kidlets. They would run up to the door, run back to their parents, run back up to the door, show Aragorn how they can put their foot behind their head, and run back to their parents. They were probably exhausted and unconscious by the time their turn came.

And we finally got up to the door. They were letting people in one at a time, but we are so famous and dazzlingly glamorous or maybe just polite and not dangerous-looking that they let Rocky go ahead with the video camera and let us go in as a group, though we went up to Viggo one at a time; then we went over and stood behind Rocky, so she got all of us, YAY! And the woman taking the ticket was one smart cookie: instead of putting nasty sharpie pen across the front, where Viggo’s face was, she drew a happy face on the back. Americans are so perky!

Dragonlady walked up and Viggo offered her a chocolate. Damn, will have to study the videotape to see what the clever girl did to deserve that. Aragrothien was thinking, up to the very last minute, of showing Viggo how she can tie a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue; we timed her at six seconds, very impressive! But in the end she settled for getting her books signed. Viggo_is_Gorgeous presented him with the fanbook, a book of contributions from people all over the world. Sixty-five pages of poetry, photographs, drawings and stories as well as the Viggonary, a dictionary of words with “Viggo” in them. My contribution was the word “Mortenfication” the feeling you experience when Viggo recognizes who you really are on the Fanbase. He took the book very seriously, placed his hand on it and said, “I will treasure it.” V_I_G managed not to faint, and saw that while he put most presents on the floor he kept this one beside him. Tamariel got her book signed and chatted with him about the country around where she is from, which he knows well. Then she said, “Just one book?” showing him the little one she had picked up for her son, and he said, “I can do that one too,” and he did, so she was a very happy woman.

Then it was my turn. I think I scared him.

The Scaring of Viggo

Evil Elf intimidating Viggo.

I don't know what I did. I'm too small to be physically intimidating. I didn't show my fangs or anything. I brushed my teeth. I showered that morning. I just waited kindly in the book signing lineup for my turn and generously let Pilar Perez, Viggo’s partner at Perceval Press, cut in ahead of me to talk to Viggo for a second: see what a sweetie Evil is? Pilar was explaining her plot to make the line move faster, which in fact it sorely needed. Or maybe she walked up and said, “Oh my god, Viggo, it’s Evil Elf! She may be armed!” That would explain things.

Then I walked up and smiled and as I did he pushed himself away from the table a good two feet and his eyes got QUITE large. He didn't actually make a break for it, but looked as if he might try any second. I shook his hand and introduced myself (no, not as Evil Elf. I didn't want to terrify him altogether! I used the name my alien leaders have given me) and he calmed down a little but didn't get any closer to the table. Then I said, "first things first, this is an invitation to the Surrey International Writer's Conference. We are really interested in Poetry this year and we have NO presenters lined up, so we would be honoured if you would come out for it. It's a great conference." And his mouth dropped open and he gawked a bit and then he took the envelope from my hands and said "thank you" and put it on the table in front of himself. Then I gave him a book for a friend of mine, and he signed it to her. As for the little index card, he looked at it, ignored it and wrote his own little message to her. Then he signed my program and I said, “I really hope you come out this fall; it’s a great conference!” and then Pilar came up behind me and gave him Janie's book to sign and my turn was over. I noticed that after I moved away he moved his chair back closer to the table.

What did I DO?

After he signed all the books he cut outside for a smoke or a walk or something; according to Pandora he slipped on the ice, nearly fell into her, and actually fell into desperategames. I resolve to hang around icy patches if he ever comes here: may require renting a Zamboni.

Tickets to the events, with the ticket to the signing turned over to show the happyface that the girl drew so she did not desecrate the face of the Saint!

Then we all broke for dinner in the pub. I don’t think you can call it a pub if it is a dry campus, but it wasn’t my call. Looked like a cafeteria to me. Dragonlady bought me dinner. And we had a good time chatting and wishing we could just take our brains out and put them in blanket-lined boxes for some alone-time.

Louise_The_FerretLady plunked down into a chair beside us at dinner and introduced herself as “Ferretlady.” Now, in any other context or on any other day that would seem…odd. That day, however, it seemed perfectly natural, so we welcomed her and enjoyed a lovely meal. Turns out she is not particularly a Viggo fan but was there for some other reason and got chatting to some Fanbasers who invited her to sit with us in the pub. She runs a ferret rescue program, which she told us all about and very interesting it was, too. And now she is on the Fanbase!

Guess what they had as a special in the cafeteria? Saint Burgers! Perhaps for Saint Lawrence but probably, yes, very very probably for Saint Viggo. Naturally. I made a very crude remark about the special sauce, for which I am still doing penance, but they were tasty! And we all ate at least one!

The Wave

We had tickets for the second screening, which started fifteen minutes after the first one and was in the basement. We lined up early and were again among the first people there, so we got in the front row. Viggo was, again, not on time but that was okay as by this point we got an enormous amount of pleasure just by sitting down rather than standing in line.

Eventually Viggo manifested, and we were all in our seats by then. He was intro'd by the head of the drama department, who has a terribly dry, Bob Newhart sense of humour. Takes you a minute to figure out he's joking.

Then Viggo walked up, smiling at the audience. He made eye contact with me and WAVED at me. I know I was not hallucinating because Ara nearly killed me. "Did he just WAVE at you?!?!?!?!?!" So it really happened. He paid no further attention to me except to make eye contact a couple of times, and then beat it out of there with his family. It would have been nice to have talked to him about the writer’s conference, but he high-tailed it outta there with his family. I don’t expect he had eaten since fairly early. The reading was at two, and he had no chance since then to grab a bite except the chocolate in the signing. He scored tons of chocolate and I hardly resent at all the fact that he offered some to Dragonlady and not Evil Elf. I’m SO over that! There was a fellow at SLU who has a French Canadian name, though he is American. During the screening he was standing at the back telling this story:

Viggo was surrounded by a crowd of about thirty screaming women (according to this guy) and there was this guy just standing there, being quiet, so Viggo chatted with him. As soon as the fellow introduced himself Viggo recognized that it was a French Canadian, not a French, name, remarked on that, and began speaking to him in French. He went on for about fifteen minutes. Which was unfortunate, as the guy does not actually understand French, but being genetically Canadian was too polite to interrupt!

http://www.shattered-moonlight.net/viggo/daytwo.html (This is the report of Viggo_is_Gorgeous, who is, as I have mentioned, gorgeous herself.)

She had the decency to bring her fiancé along, or we would have messed her up quite a lot before letting her anywhere near Viggo. At the gallery opening, which I missed, he walked up to Viggo, touched his pendant (which remark you can take any way you like) and asked about it; Viggo told him it was a Thor’s hammer. So V_I_G’s fiancé has touched his hammer. Which you can also take any way you like. Then he asked where the “Nine” was tattooed, and Viggo said it was on his shoulder and would have shown him except that he was wearing a suit. So??? Peel off…sorry, reverting to Internet ID for a sec.

Also at the gallery there was a hair on his jacket that everyone noticed and wanted to pull off, but didn’t dare. Oh well, if I’d been there I woulda still been too nearsighted to see my chance. Also, given the usual state of my clothes people would have been picking dog hair off me, and I haven’t had a dog in eight months!

Mother Inferior has seen the pix of Viggo looking at me and she has already reserved a spot in the wedding party. I can hardly wait to find out what our children’s names are! She says that is not fear but love and I asked, “So there’s a difference?” If he comes up here in October she has volunteered to pay for a makeover for me and a towncar for the two of us so that nobody else need ever ride with him, and also to cover the rental on a cosy coastal cabin, for a getaway after the conference. She is a wonderful woman but she is beginning to frighten me. It hardly seems fair to poor Viggo, this trap, but she is a southern Femme Fatale and I am just a humble Canadian, and one clad in polarfleece at that! What do I know of such matters? May take her up on it, though: I could use a few days on the beach!

Mother Inferior is quite insistent that he fell in love at first sight because of my unearthly beauty. Whatever.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled life!